when things burn

This year, as a whole, we were forced to move through change that could fill an entire lifetime. We were challenged and made uncomfortable and stretched to the very end of ourselves. Some of the changes were good and I believe most of us came out better for it but that doesn’t negate the absolute struggle this year has been. Everything all at once, all the time. I’d barely recovered from almost losing Mom last year—spending weeks in the hospital watching her fight for her life—when this year got turned upside down. I’m still grieving life without masks and hugging friends and traveling and any sort of economic stability, but I’ve taken solace in the one thing that hasn’t changed this year, or ever—what I have with Perry. Our love has remained strong and stable through the ever-rushing wildfire this year has been. We’ve leaned on each other, shared our fears, had unabashed moments of both rage and sorrow, and put our dwindling energy into loving each other. We’ve come out stronger together and more optimistic about our future, knowing that even if everything crumbles around us, we will still be okay. I’m reminded of that scene from Fight Club where Edward Norton is holding hands with Helena Bonham Carter while they watch the city burn. The world as we knew it burned this year but through it all—in and out of the flames—Perry held my hand and he never let go.

I love you, my darling. I can’t wait to open gifts with you by the Christmas tree and reflect on all the good that we have and have always had together.